I’m gonna be honest with you guys, this post wasn’t on my content calendar at all. I had a different topic scheduled this week.
But I follow a lot of single moms on social media, and for the longest I’ve wanted to reach out to them via direct message with what I have to say.
After seeing a post last week, I thought… let me just use my blog to pen a letter to all the single moms out there.
So here it goes.
Dear single mom,
I don’t know what it feels like to be you.
I don’t know what you’ve been through.
I don’t know how many pieces of your heart are still missing when it shattered, or how bad it still aches.
I don’t know how many expectations turned into disappointments.
I don’t know how exhausted you are, mentally and physically.
What I do know though, is that you’re emotional- but a rock.
You are tired- but you keep going.
You are overwhelmed- but you never quit.
I know that you are selfless, because you put someone’s happiness before your own- every. single. day.
I know that despite the bricks thrown at you- you’ve made a home.
I know that you are strong- because you had no choice but to be.
I know that you are wiser- because you’ve had to learn. Even if it was the hard way.
Personally, I fight my own battles everyday.
And still at times, I think- “ugh… I don’t know if I can handle this.”
Then I think of single moms, and I’m like-hey. if THEY can do it. Then I have no excuse.
When I see a single mom? I see a warrior.
Single moms are easily the most resilient people on the planet. Despite everything they’ve been through- hell and back- they show up.
every. single. day.
Single moms are unstoppable- not because they don’t have failures or doubts- but because they CONTINUE despite of them.
I’ve heard that being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you never knew existed.
If you really think about it… You’ve survived this far.
You’ve gotten through every bump in the road. And road block. And detour. Allll the way up to where you’re at now.
Let’s be honest. At this point- what can life throw at you that you CANT handle?
Every time I see a single mom post something that insinuates she’s disappointed or not having hope, I always wish I could just look her in the eyes and tell her how strong she is.
How she’s literally a walking miracle.
A recent study by geneticists found that as many as 1 in 4 known pregnancies end in miscarriage. And additional studies reported that 303,000 women die every year while on the hospital bed giving birth to their children…
You beat those odds, mama.
You birthed a beautiful, whole human being into this world.
You created life.
If you had the ability to see yourself through your child’s eyes- you’d be able to see the strength that you exude, that carries the weight of the world and it’s judgements on your shoulders. You’d be able to see that smile you wear, even on your toughest days.
If you had the ability to see yourself through your child’s eyes… you’d be able to see the cape you wear behind you.
You are superwoman to them.
You are superwoman TO ME!
I know it’s hard to get up every day and have these little humans rely on you. I know that your world probably seems so small.
I’m here to remind you that you ARE the world.
You are the world that those little ones revolve around you. You are their nurture, their home, and their comfort.
I hope you know that even on your most questionable days- you are special.
You have the hardest job in the world and you are absolutely killin it.
If no one has ever told you, or hasn’t reminded you lately- you are a bad ass.
The unconditional love you have and pour into your child every single day? People would kill for.
You are absolutely enough.
Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
And I’m here to remind you that you are not your past. You have the ability to reinvent yourself, endlessly. That’s your beauty.
I’m here to shatter any doubts you may have for yourself and your future.
“But what if I never find love?”
My best friend’s mom found love again.
I remember sitting down with her, picking apart her brain, asking her the highs and the lows of dating as a single mom back in the day.
She replied, “It was disappointing. I felt like every man I met, just looked at me like I was a piece of meat. Or looked at me with pity because I was on the dating scene, but with a child. It was hard. At times I thought to myself- will I ever find love? Will I ever find a man who’s able to look pass the fact that I had a different route than those who don’t have kids?”
Well, she found that man. A man loved her as she was, and what she came with.
My best friend’s parents are honestly one of the greatest couples I know. Every time I’m over, they’re laughing, making jokes, dancing in the kitchen, exuding genuine love.
My best friend is actually her mother’s second child. One she had with the man she married, AFTER her first.
And I know you’re thinking, Asia… what if that’s NOT me.
You know… I was single for 2 and a half years before I met my boyfriend. I had those same thoughts lingering, and often- what if I don’t find love ever again? But I kept reminding myself, that the pain I’m feeling, cannot compare to the joy that’s coming.
And.. I was right. I cannot put into words the happiness my man brings me, and how much of a light he’s been in my life.
Looking back on it now, I wish that, during those dark times, I reminded myself sooner, and also more often- that the best is yet to come. It would’ve taken a heavy, heavy weight off of my shoulders.
And say… if this thing I have with my boyfriend doesn’t work out? I am still at peace because I know that this would just be another chapter in my story.
You see.. When we deny our stories, they define us.
But when we own our stories? We get to create a brand new ending.
Whenever there’s a roadblock- I see it as protection for a path that was not meant for me.
You will find love again, I know it.
“I’m struggling to make ends meet…I wonder if I’ll ever be able to attain a certain level of success because I became a single mom.”
Meet single mother, Sarah Titus- six years ago, she was living in a homeless shelter and had $30k worth of debt. Her ex-husband was on his 3rd affair and she and her kids had nothing except what she packed in her small car.
“I felt like everything in my life had been stolen. The life and marriage that I knew for more than a decade was gone. In an instant, my life was turned upside-down,” she writes.
She now works completely from home and runs a blog that brings in 7 figures every year.
“There is nothing that can knock you down and defeat you, unless you let it.”
You can read more about her story [HERE]
(but please wait to read all the links I post after these examples! Read my blog post in it’s entirety, because I still have a few more *important* things to share)
“I just don’t have the time right now to really pursue what I want.”
Meet Briana Williams, a single mother as well. She got pregnant during her second year at… Harvard Law School.
This is an actual photo of her doing schoolwork while in labor:
“If I had to either write an essay or go to the pediatrician’s office, I brought my materials and wrote my essay in the lobby and never missed a doctor’s appointment. If I had to prioritize homework during the night hours because I wanted to focus on being present with my daughter during the day, then sleep just had to be put on the back burner,” she said in an interview with USA Today.
“I carried my daughter across the stage with me, an act meant to assert that choosing to become a mother could not prevent me from receiving my diploma. It was not about proving myself to others, it was about proving myself to me.”
A few words of advice from her:
“I have learned how to maintain my faith and composure in stressful situations. I have learned that prioritization of my goals over short-term gratification leads to the maximizing of my productivity.”
“I really wanna be in better shape… but I just don’t have the energy or the time for it.”
Meet Nusha Pelicano- a single mother of six- yes six kids! And if that’s not impressive enough, she also runs marathons and English was not her first language. But that didn’t stop her.
And it was on one of her marathons that she came across the idea for her company, a frozen yogurt franchise called Orange Leaf Frozen Yogurt.
She opened her first franchise in October 2010 and she now owns six other locations. (I guess six must be her lucky number)
“Thinking about how I was going to do it all almost stopped me from starting my own company years ago. It seemed unreasonable to think that I’d be able to get everything done that I wanted to get done as an entrepreneur and still be the mother I wanted to be to my three kids,” she says.
She gives this advice:
“The truth is you can do it all if you just change what your definition of balance is. There are times where my business gets more attention than my kids and vice versa. In the end I like to believe that is all balances out. Part of being an entrepreneur is being comfortable with changing direction quickly.”
I’m showing you these other single moms not for comparison purposes, but because I want you to know you can do it too.
We are a product of our thoughts. They got to where they are because they changed their way of thinking.
I’m here to tell you that you’re allowed to have dreams of your own. You are SO selfless. I know that you not only put everyone first, but you put some of your goals on the back burner because of it.
Take care of yourself, and watch how much it flows back into your child, tenfold.
I saw a quote that said, “Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a happy one.”
You will undoubtedly be at your happiest when you are chasing, and crushing your dreams.
I am rooting for you. We are ALL rooting for you.
Also, I wanna add a #DidYouKnow portion to this blog post.
These celebs are single mamas, too?
If you enjoyed this post, you’ll probably love my [Ways to Improve Self-Esteem: How I learned to love my body] post!